Ahma (L. T. Hsieh)

It seems that Ahma is in better spirits the last two days.

On Thursday (July 5), she was feeling particularly bad. She kept saying (in Taiwanese), "How can I live this way? It's not clear if I'm going to live or die. Just stick a needle in me and let me go." She would moan repeatedly and keep asking why. She also wondered why even the health professionals in her family couldn't think of a solution for her problems.

Timothy, Laura, Krista and Joshua came over to visit. Timothy was able to get in touch with Dr. Perry Stevens, the attending in charge while she was at St. Francis, to figure out how to start the hospice care. They were also able to figure out which medications to cut out and which medications are essential to make her feel comfortable. Ahma wanted to stop all medication since nothing was working anyway, but when we told her that we are cutting things down to just the essentials, she was OK with it.

Joshua was particularly upset to see how Ahtzo was doing. He rubbed her stomach for her to make her feel better. Krista brought drinks for Ahtzo. They begged their parents to let them stay over and so they did, along with Timothy. They all slept in George's room... and I'm sure you all know how uncomfortable that could be. But, apparently it was fun for them too because they don't usually get to sleep in the same room.

Ahma was given two sleeping pills for the night (which is still a pretty small dose) and slept better. She also urinated 2-3 times through the night. On Friday (July 6), she woke up with a less distended stomach and seems to have felt better. Ahma was pleasantly greeted by Joshua and Krista who helped to give her morning medication. She gladly took the medication. She also requested to drink ginger ale (hoping that it was even more bubbly, because that's her favorite). 

Uncle Hong Tian's wife fed her some soup and also rubbed her stomach. Ahma then started instructing her how to make pig's feet, fatty pork, and her other specialties. Ahma also instructed her to make stir fried noodles because Aunt Fuji's husband likes to eat that stuff. Later in the day, when she took her noontime medication, she asked to try the fried noodles. She had a few bites and gave "constructive criticism" to Aunt Fuji on how to make the noodles better.  Aunt Fuji was happy to know that Ahma was still trying to remotely control the family from her bed. 

When Aunt Jennifer came to visit later, Ahma advised her to encourage Kris to continue schooling for another 2 years to get his "doctoral" degree. She then requested to have milk tea. 

George watched over Ahma last night. She only urinated one time, but she seems to have slept. She took her morning medication and even noted that her stomach is less distended still. But now she is complaining of pain in her right calf. 

In terms of the family, the older generation has agreed that it would be OK to tell her that she has a liver problem. They communicated that to her yesterday, but she started to ask, "If I have a liver problem, why aren't my eyes yellow (e.g. from jaundice)?" She is clearly very alert and capable of analysis. 

The older generation definitely struggles with how much to tell her. They are concerned with diminishing her "hope." They are afraid that she won't be able to handle the news of a terminal diagnosis. Timothy and I tried to explain that most people when they receive bad news like this (including the family members), will go through phases of Denial, Anger, and Acceptance. We hope that she is able to move through these phases with our support and not be trapped in fear. Many fear that she will just be trapped in fear until death. I guess there is a lot of room for debate here.

Finally, in other good news, we have been able to get the hospice program to start rolling. A consult will come in on Monday or Tuesday of next week to conduct an assessment.

We are going to have a mini-celebration for her and each pray for her tonight. We are not officially celebrating her "birthday" because it is not OK to celebrate after the actual date, but we will celebrate her life nonetheless.